Monday, December 13, 2010
Holidays
So, Thanksgiving is over and here comes Christmas. This is my favorite time of year, but the worst time of year for gaining weight. It's cold outside, so I have no excitement or longing to go outside. There is food EVERYWHERE! I have gained about 3 pounds so far, but am hoping not to gain anymore with Christmas... It was three years ago right after Christmas that I weighed the most EVER! I'm currently 7 pounds under that, but I'm begging myself not to get that high again.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Welcome ME :)
Okay, so I've never blogged before - ever! I've read a lot, enjoyed some, and even gotten some good laughs. I've decided to start a journey in my life and thought it might help to write about it as I go. I don't know if anyone will end up reading this or not, but either way, I'm sure it will be good for me to get it all out.
I'm a heavy girl. I've always been heavy - ALWAYS! I have a twin brother. When we were born, he was 2 inches longer than me and I still weighed more than him... At that time, we were the biggest twins ever born at that hospital - see, always heavy. I remember shopping as a little girl, and my mom being happy that they were carrying 'husky' clothes. My brother needed slim, but not me. I always had to roll up my pants a lot so that they would fit me everywhere else. My mom tried to put me on my first diet when I was twelve - she had me try Dexitrim - I hated the way it made me feel!
In high school, I was pretty active. I played sports all year long, but even with that, I remember when my doctor said I was obese. What? I couldn't believe it. I was physically fit, and even received the national fitness award. I was big, but still, how could I be considered obese? But, the truth was, I was... Then after high school, I stopped playing sports. Since then, I've never stopped gaining weight.
Sometimes it makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me mad. I wonder why I can't eat whatever I want and get away with it. Why do I have to watch what I eat, and exercise, and still not ever be really skinny? So, sometimes I say forget it - it's not worth it. But, I need to remember that it is worth it, and I am worth it. So, today I start a new blog and a new hope. 100 reasons why - I will list 100 reasons why I need to, should, want to, and will, lose 100 pounds (maybe even more). I know it will take time. But I will do it!
1. I am worth it 2. To be healthy 3. To live longer 4. My children need me 5. To feel better about myself 6. To play with my kids instead of just watching 7. So I am confident in myself to follow my passions 8. To climb the stairs without getting out of breath 9. To be a good example for my family 10. So my kids are proud of me 11. So I am proud of me 12. To participate in more things 13. To buy 'regular' clothes 14. So I'm not so tired all of the time 15. So I'm not embarrassed for my husband to go out with me 16. So I can wear woman's clothes instead of just big men's t-shirts 17. So I'm not over the weight limit to go on the water slides with my kids 18. So I'm not afraid of getting stuck in the rides at Disneyland 19. So we can walk to school instead of always driving 20. So I don't have to squeeze into seats with arms 21. So I'm not worried about sitting in certain chairs and having them give out 22. So I can climb on the top bunk with my kids 23. So I don't cry every time I go to try on clothes 24. So I want to be in pictures instead of the person who always takes them 25. To actually untie and tie my shoes instead of just slipping them on and off 26. So I'm not so afraid of having a heart attack 27. So I'm more worried about something happening to me instead of worrying how embarrassed everyone will be when I'm so heavy to carry out 28. So I don't weigh as much as two people should for my height 29. To actually weigh less than my husband (I will need to lose more than 100 for this one) 30. To snowboard with my husband 31. To play airsoft with my husband 32. To feel worthy 33. To be able to wear a dress without my legs rubbing together 34. So I don't look pregnant when I'm not 35. To fit in the booths at restaurants without actually hitting the table 36. So I'm not out of breath all of the time 37. So I can play sports again 38. To actually weigh less than my twin brother who is still taller than me (about 8 inches now that we are adults) 39. So I could buy a Halloween costume if I wanted instead of always having to go the homemade route 40. So if I had another baby, I'm not the person who has to wait until 24 weeks to have my ultrasound so they can see the baby better (because of all the fat) 41. To feel sexy 42. So I don't have to ask my kids to pick things up when I drop them 43. To breathe easier 44. To not have to feel like I should be on the biggest loser instead of watching it 45. To wear a bathing suit without a skirt for the first time in my adult life 46. To wear a bikini for the first time in my entire life 47. To climb inside the kids playhouse with them 48. To play in the snow 49. To be able to ride a raft without making it hit bottom (yes this happened) 50. To lower my chances of having diabetes 51. To lower my chances of heart disease 52. To lower my chances of getting cancer 53. So my internal age matches my actual age 54. So I could actually be an organ donor instead of them not being usable because they are covered in fat 55. To feel better! 56. To wear what's in style 57. So I know I didn't get the job because of my qualifications and not because of my size 58. So my kids don't have to tell me it's okay that I can't run 59. So I can squeeze in the back seat when we have a full car instead of my husband having to 60. So I'm around for grand kids 61. So I don't ache any more 62. To run a 5K 63. To run a half-marathon 64. To ride my bike again 65. To roller skate with my kids 66. So I can wear my engagement ring again 67. So my husband can pick me up 68. To have more energy 69. To fit in the swings at the park 70. So people can say 'you're pretty' instead of having to say 'you have a pretty smile' 71. To feel worthy 72. To feel normal 73. To go sledding 74. To ride on the back of my husband's motorcycle 75. To participate more 76. To watch less 77. To help my son practice soccer 78. To play softball again 79. So my body doesn't hurt so much 80. So I don't feel so tired and worn out 81. To not feel like people are watching you eat 82. So my kids know I didn't quit 83. So they don't have to stick up for me 84. So I can borrow clothes 85. So I don't have to lie on my driver's license 86. To keep up 87. To fit into my old shoes again (my feet have gotten bigger with more weight) 88. To run with the puppy 89. To cry less 90. To help other people 91. To not have to hide behind my kids when I am in pictures 92. To enjoy life to the fullest 93. So I can zip up my jacket 94. To be around as long as I can 95. So the baby carrier actually fits around 96. To be comfortable 97. To wear a belt 98. Because I love my family 99. Because my family loves me 100. Because I love me!
I'm a heavy girl. I've always been heavy - ALWAYS! I have a twin brother. When we were born, he was 2 inches longer than me and I still weighed more than him... At that time, we were the biggest twins ever born at that hospital - see, always heavy. I remember shopping as a little girl, and my mom being happy that they were carrying 'husky' clothes. My brother needed slim, but not me. I always had to roll up my pants a lot so that they would fit me everywhere else. My mom tried to put me on my first diet when I was twelve - she had me try Dexitrim - I hated the way it made me feel!
In high school, I was pretty active. I played sports all year long, but even with that, I remember when my doctor said I was obese. What? I couldn't believe it. I was physically fit, and even received the national fitness award. I was big, but still, how could I be considered obese? But, the truth was, I was... Then after high school, I stopped playing sports. Since then, I've never stopped gaining weight.
Sometimes it makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me mad. I wonder why I can't eat whatever I want and get away with it. Why do I have to watch what I eat, and exercise, and still not ever be really skinny? So, sometimes I say forget it - it's not worth it. But, I need to remember that it is worth it, and I am worth it. So, today I start a new blog and a new hope. 100 reasons why - I will list 100 reasons why I need to, should, want to, and will, lose 100 pounds (maybe even more). I know it will take time. But I will do it!
1. I am worth it 2. To be healthy 3. To live longer 4. My children need me 5. To feel better about myself 6. To play with my kids instead of just watching 7. So I am confident in myself to follow my passions 8. To climb the stairs without getting out of breath 9. To be a good example for my family 10. So my kids are proud of me 11. So I am proud of me 12. To participate in more things 13. To buy 'regular' clothes 14. So I'm not so tired all of the time 15. So I'm not embarrassed for my husband to go out with me 16. So I can wear woman's clothes instead of just big men's t-shirts 17. So I'm not over the weight limit to go on the water slides with my kids 18. So I'm not afraid of getting stuck in the rides at Disneyland 19. So we can walk to school instead of always driving 20. So I don't have to squeeze into seats with arms 21. So I'm not worried about sitting in certain chairs and having them give out 22. So I can climb on the top bunk with my kids 23. So I don't cry every time I go to try on clothes 24. So I want to be in pictures instead of the person who always takes them 25. To actually untie and tie my shoes instead of just slipping them on and off 26. So I'm not so afraid of having a heart attack 27. So I'm more worried about something happening to me instead of worrying how embarrassed everyone will be when I'm so heavy to carry out 28. So I don't weigh as much as two people should for my height 29. To actually weigh less than my husband (I will need to lose more than 100 for this one) 30. To snowboard with my husband 31. To play airsoft with my husband 32. To feel worthy 33. To be able to wear a dress without my legs rubbing together 34. So I don't look pregnant when I'm not 35. To fit in the booths at restaurants without actually hitting the table 36. So I'm not out of breath all of the time 37. So I can play sports again 38. To actually weigh less than my twin brother who is still taller than me (about 8 inches now that we are adults) 39. So I could buy a Halloween costume if I wanted instead of always having to go the homemade route 40. So if I had another baby, I'm not the person who has to wait until 24 weeks to have my ultrasound so they can see the baby better (because of all the fat) 41. To feel sexy 42. So I don't have to ask my kids to pick things up when I drop them 43. To breathe easier 44. To not have to feel like I should be on the biggest loser instead of watching it 45. To wear a bathing suit without a skirt for the first time in my adult life 46. To wear a bikini for the first time in my entire life 47. To climb inside the kids playhouse with them 48. To play in the snow 49. To be able to ride a raft without making it hit bottom (yes this happened) 50. To lower my chances of having diabetes 51. To lower my chances of heart disease 52. To lower my chances of getting cancer 53. So my internal age matches my actual age 54. So I could actually be an organ donor instead of them not being usable because they are covered in fat 55. To feel better! 56. To wear what's in style 57. So I know I didn't get the job because of my qualifications and not because of my size 58. So my kids don't have to tell me it's okay that I can't run 59. So I can squeeze in the back seat when we have a full car instead of my husband having to 60. So I'm around for grand kids 61. So I don't ache any more 62. To run a 5K 63. To run a half-marathon 64. To ride my bike again 65. To roller skate with my kids 66. So I can wear my engagement ring again 67. So my husband can pick me up 68. To have more energy 69. To fit in the swings at the park 70. So people can say 'you're pretty' instead of having to say 'you have a pretty smile' 71. To feel worthy 72. To feel normal 73. To go sledding 74. To ride on the back of my husband's motorcycle 75. To participate more 76. To watch less 77. To help my son practice soccer 78. To play softball again 79. So my body doesn't hurt so much 80. So I don't feel so tired and worn out 81. To not feel like people are watching you eat 82. So my kids know I didn't quit 83. So they don't have to stick up for me 84. So I can borrow clothes 85. So I don't have to lie on my driver's license 86. To keep up 87. To fit into my old shoes again (my feet have gotten bigger with more weight) 88. To run with the puppy 89. To cry less 90. To help other people 91. To not have to hide behind my kids when I am in pictures 92. To enjoy life to the fullest 93. So I can zip up my jacket 94. To be around as long as I can 95. So the baby carrier actually fits around 96. To be comfortable 97. To wear a belt 98. Because I love my family 99. Because my family loves me 100. Because I love me!
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